How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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