I've blown a few things in my day
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did i walk over a car last night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
