can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
