i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is Oprah even human
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
