So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I look better un-naked...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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