he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
