Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
