This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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