i permit you to call me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
