Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
