I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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