you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
