dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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