Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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