I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
