my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
