I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
