Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
