This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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