You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
