i permit you to call me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My dick has a subreddit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
