I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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