Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize
