I cockslap morals
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
