Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They took my balls.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
