I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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