Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
