Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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