Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
