do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
