i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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