How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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