We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
