whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
