Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you win again, gameday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
