dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your dad touched me again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize