I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
