Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
