Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
