youre lurking in front of me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
