Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
