kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
