she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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