I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
