BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
