so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize