it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
