I hate all girls vehemently.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
