I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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