so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
