i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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