The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
