Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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