i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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