belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
