Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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