I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
