Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
