Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
