So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
