I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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