That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize