Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
