You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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