I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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