I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Randomize
