You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
